It Only Hurts When You Aren't Here
by morbane5ever
Summary: "I understand your caution, but..." I looked up at him, trying to look innocent. "I thought you liked this," I said smoothly, pouting a little and wrapping my arms around his neck. (Thorki)


AN: I apologise in advance if some things are confusing, I took some pieces out in my last read-through, and I edited myself so there may be some silly grammatical errors or misspellings or weird phrasing, because my sentence structure can be a little odd sometimes. Anyways, enjoy!

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~It Only Hurts When You Aren't Here~

"You don't believe me."

"Loki, you can't claim to be in-"

"Don't," I sighed, interrupting Odin, my father. It was terribly rude, but I was growing tired of these games. "I understand. Everything must be my fault, regardless of whether or not you have any evidence." I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't mind."

"Now, don't treat your father like that," my mother scolded fiercely.

"I understand," I repeated. "And I'm sorry." I turned to face Odin, but I looked down at the groundfeather than at him. "Are we done here?" I asked, carefully, trying not to offend.

Mother gave me a look. I bowed my head in respect, then straightened and left the room.

I knew where I would find him. He was sitting on the edge of my bed, looking nervous. He jumped up when he saw me.

"Loki! Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Thor. Father couldn't prove that I had done anything," I said nonchalantly.

"Did you?" He asked seriously.

"It was just a bit of fun," I said smiling a little.

"Loki!" He scolded. "You're going to get caught eventually."

"Maybe. But it seems to me that you and I are relatively good at hiding our secrets."

He looked away from me, embarrassed. "Don't bring that into this."

"Why not?" I asked, reaching out to press the tips of my fingers against his cheek. "Are you afraid?"

"I fear nothing," he said, but he lacked conviction. He was unsure of himself, which I knew was something he wasn't used to.

I took his hand in mine, and gently tried to turn his head so he was looking at me. "Thor, I'm your brother. What do you have to fear? I won't tell anyone else, and even if Heimdall is watching, I can hide anything that happens here. You know that." And in fact, he did. He wouldn't be preparing to become king of Asgard if Heimdall, loyal servant of Odin, saw what had happened between us last time.

"I trust you," he said, his voice having something of a child's vulnerability in it. It almost made me regret this. All of it, everything. Because I was the one who had started this. It was all my fault. But then, wasn't he the older one? He was responsible for his younger brother, and he had let this continue, putting him at fault as much as me.

"Then relax," I said, kissing his cheek gently.

He smiled a little, then stopped himself. He pulled his hand from mine and pushed me away. "Stop it."

I was genuinely hurt, but I didn't show it. Instead, I climbed onto my bed and stretched like a cat, laying myself out for him. A peace offering, almost. "I thought you weren't afraid," I said teasingly, but it wasn't so playful anymore.

"Loki, stop this. Now."

I climbed up so I was sitting on my knees, just the slightest bit shorter than him. "You weren't like this last-"

"Don't you dare-"

"Don't you love me anymore?"

He stopped. "I do love you," he said slowly, carefully. "But you're asking for something more."

"I understand your caution, but..." I looked up at him, trying to look innocent. "I thought you liked this," I said smoothly, pouting a little and wrapping my arms around his neck.

He shoved me away again. "Don't."

"Since when have I ever listened, brother?" I muttered under my breath. I tried again, sliding off the bed and pressing myself against him, shoving his back against the wall. If he had been expecting it, it would've been like running into a wall. But he hadn't been.

"What are you-"

I kissed him roughly, trying to convince him, and he seemed to give in for a moment, placing his hands on my waist and kissing me back, but he quickly realised what he was doing and pushed me away. Again. I was getting sick of the repeated rejection, but I refused to use any sort of magic to convince him. I cared about him too much.

"Please," I said, trying to show him how sincere I was. "Please. I just... I don't know how to-"

"No," he said softly. "Don't try to explain." He put his had under my chin and lifted my face a little. "I understand."

I was having trouble breathing, but I concentrated on him, waiting for him to make the first move. He leaned forward hesitantly, like he wasn't sure how to proceed. He gently pressed his lips to mine, and I sighed softly. This was really all I wanted- confirmation that I was loved.

But, of course, it didn't stop there. He was too stubborn, and I had wanted this. I had I asked for this, begged for it. He pushed me onto the bed, and I flinched. I was letting my emotions rule me already.

"Thor-" I started, but he kissed me and I couldn't think anymore. I moaned into his lips and pressed myself back against the mattress. Now I was the unsure one, but for a different reason. Memories that I tried to stifle were all coming back.

He gently slid his hands to my hips, sensing my hesitation. "Are you alright?"

"Yes. Fine. I'm fine," I muttered.

He smiled at me, just a little. I smiled back, but impatience was beginning to overshadow nervousness. He helped me out of my garments and took off his own, eliminating the last barrier between us.

No turning back now, I thought, flinching again at old memories being awakened.

He kissed me again, roughly, and I responded passionately. His hands slid down, gently, until he was running his fingers across the base of my cock. I moaned, slightly embarrassed at how quickly I got hard. He chuckled and teased at my entrance with one finger. I pressed down onto it and moaned again, more loudly this time. He moved his mouth to my collarbone, sucking on it and licking across my skin.

"Thor..." I gasped, then whined softly as he pulled his fingers from me. He grabbed my thighs and I spread my legs obligingly, allowing him to position himself between them.

"Are you alright?" He asked again.

I whimpered and tried to get closer to him. Yes yes yes don't stop now...

He pressed into me and I gasped. I knew what I was expecting from him this time, and he knew what to do, but I still felt like I was going to split open as he slid farther and farther in. I struggled a little, but not against him. I was slightly afraid he would take it that way. I wrapped my legs around his back and grabbed at the bed sheets, trying to anchor myself somehow, though I needn't worry about my body- Thor was so careful, so gentle with me.

He wrapped his hand around my cock again, stroking me gently, so slowly, but that was all I needed. I moaned as I came, the sound low and whorish. He followed soon after, panting and shaking. He held me in his arms for awhile, both of us breathing heavily.

"I'm sorry that I got so nervous," I said softly when I had caught my breath. He didn't say anything, so I continued. "I was just... Remembering something."

Thor gently kissed my cheek. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. Not right now. I... I can't," I said softly.

He nodded, obviously a little upset that I wouldn't tell him, but I couldn't fix that. I was too scared of the past, of my memories.

"But it doesn't matter right now," I said.

"Yes it does-"

"No, it doesn't," I snapped. He looked slightly hurt. "I'm sorry," I said apologetically. "But it doesn't matter. Really. Because I have you. And you chase all of the demons away," I said, my voice fading to a whisper at the end. "I love you."

"I love you too," he replied.

I watched him for a moment, watched his expression change.

"What if we get caught, Loki? What if father finds out?"

"He won't," I assured him. "And one day, you'll be king of Asgard, with me at your side."

He smiled a little. "And I can protect you from all the monsters out there."

"You'll keep the monsters away," I said pressing my body against his and holding his face between my hands.

AN: Lalalalala, I suck at writing hooray. Whatever. Constructive critisims are always welcome. Thank you for reading!


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